Observations on the armageddon that did not occur

It is October 21, 2015, and despite the fact that a large asteroid is going to skirt the planet Earth in the next ten days, and the Cubs gave us reason to fear the end of civilization … the world continues to spin and life goes on.

I.  “Back to the Future 2” predictions …

Today is, of course the ill-named “Back to the Future” Day (it should be “Back to the Future 2” Day.  In said film, this is the day that Doc Brown, Marty McFly, and his girlfriend, Jennifer, arrive in the future to save Marty’s son from doing something stupid.  We are treated to a world of hoverboards roving up and down the streets (not happening), Jaws 19, and, oh yes, the Chicago Cubs defeating the Miami Gators in the World Series.  Cub-dom saw this as a sign (apparently, they weren’t the only conspiracy theorists who thought BttF director Robert Zemeckis had become the second coming of Nostradamus).  Apparently, they were willing to overlook that there was no team called the Miami Gators (and willing to forget the last time the Cubs played a team from Miami with the playoffs on the line). No, only the film Poltergeist has the uncanny ability to predict strange and odd things in the future (scroll down to #5, it is genuinely and odd coincidence, or proof that Steven Spielberg routinely communes with the future)

II.  Cubs management again thinks it is doing the right thing and screws up

Game 3 was to be a big day in Cubs history, and it simply was not to be, though no one correctly predicted “dropped third strike allows game winning run to score”, adding more supernatural oddity to the strangeness that is the odyssey of the Cubs.  Much like the Cubs allowed an avowed Sox fan to sing “Take Me Out to The Ball Game”, and predict an imminent Cubs win moments before the Bartman incident (fast-forward to 8:48 for the late, great Bernie Mac), I think the intersection of music and the Cubs blew up in their face yet again.  Before Game 3, the Cubs started getting things warmed up by playing “Gonna Fly Now”, which most people associate with Rocky.  Rocky Balboa was a plucky underdog, and we love underdogs.  The problem is that, especially for younger people that have never seen the movie … Rocky keeps getting hit, and getting off the floor of the ring … and then loses (his victory is in maturing and accepting the love of his wife, Adrian).  If you are going to play music, play the music of something that represents victory, not the music of someone that keeps getting beat up and then still loses.  It is, literally, the worst choice in music you could choose before a big game.  It would have been better if they had Mike Ditka and Ozzy Osbourne sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” as a duet.  In true Joe Maddon fashion, it would have loosened everyone up, and things might have been different.

III.  Eating a whole goat?!  Who does that!?

According to the Old Testament, as punishment for a loss of faith, God ordained that his chosen people would wander aimlessly for 40 years through the desert before finally finding the promised land.  I have a suspicion that whatever the Cubs did to bring this much wrath down from the heavens, it was more than kicking a cute little goat out of their stadium.  That didn’t stop a bunch of competitive eaters (led by the immortal Kobayashi) to get a sponsorship or two to sit down and eat a whole goat, because surely killing more of God’s creatures without the proper sacrificial prayers will certainly put the Cub back in favor with a deity whose number one pastime seems to be cursing the United States with popular but incompetent politicians, and trying to find the most surreal way for the Cub to lose.  This isn’t helping matters.

So, it is all over except for the Kansas City/Toronto vs. Mets World Series, and then on to the harsh inevitability of winter and another season that will end in week 17 without the Bears advancing.  Opening Day 2016 can’t get here fast enough.

Also, would the last person out of Wrigley tonight, please don’t forget to go up and get Kyle Schwarber’s home run ball before they turn out the lights.  It gets cold in the winter, as Jake Arrieta is learning about the northern United States.


One Response to Observations on the armageddon that did not occur

  1. Alan P says:

    I think “Back to the Future” Day is okay because they’re talking about the franchise. If we go back to 1885 it would also be “Back to the Future” Day. Being there provides the context.

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