Signs the Cubs are sinking faster than lead in water

The one thing you have to admit about the Cubs, they are staunch traditionalists.  It has kept them in business for at least the past 35 years as people from all over cram in to the world’s biggest block party, a few even stopping to wonder who is playing baseball in the middle.

Which is why it is extremely odd that the Cubs have chucked tradition and employed  a mascot for the first time since 1916.

bear_attackAfter losing their third left fielder of the 1916 season to the injured reserve list, the Cubs abandoned their mascot.

The move is an attempt to make Wrigley Field more fan friendly, because having to explain to your two year old what a beer bong is when the frat boys two rows down start chugging, or to your daughter that while you don’t encourage public urination at home, Wrigleyville residents like how it fertilizes the lawns, was only a little fan friendly.

So, here’s the new mascot.  Meet Clark, the Bear:


Clark is not (as many have suspected) named for fictional Chicago resident and lovable loser Clark W. Griswold of National Lampoon’s Vacation fame.  Clark is named for one of the historic streets that form the intersection where Wrigley Field is located.

In keeping with being family friendly, note that this mascot wears no pants.  Try taking your niece to a game while trying to convince her parents that everything will be fine.  Go on, try it!

Also, in keeping with Cubs tradition, Clark is completely non-threatening.  Look at that face … you can almost hear Clark saying “Gee folks, we really are trying!”  If Clark were any more nonthreatening, he would be the #2 starter for the team.

The Cubs have announced that Clark will not be found in the actual field area … instead, he will greet fans outside the park, and welcome fans to the Cubs “First Timers Club (I thought this was some kind of a virgins only thing, but it is apparently where people making their first trip to he Friendly Confines are hazed).  He will then invite fans into his own “clubhouse” just inside the park to take pictures.  So, if your idea of family fun time is to hand over your 4 year old to a pants-less guy in a furry costume, Cubs Baseball is for you!

With Wrigley Field’s 100th anniversary right around the corner, visitors to the ball park will finally have something to talk about other than “that time we almost made the playoffs” or “that game we almost won”.


2 Responses to Signs the Cubs are sinking faster than lead in water

  1. Beth says:

    I think this is stupid, too. But he’s still WAY better than Furd. Just Sayin’.

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