I think there comes a time in some people’s life when they start looking at their parents and realize that they aren’t as wise or smart as they used to think they were.
I love my mom, but for a while I have come to not necessarily trust her instincts which tend to be overly optimistic or pessimistic, depending on the subject.
In the case of my brother, someone who has fooled us all before, mom tends to be overly optimistic.
We have recently learned that my brother was probably carrying on the affair that cost him his marriage (and my niece and nephew a semblance of a secure childhood) for years before he got married. Needless to say that didn’t make me any happier about the fact that he and his lady friend continue to live in mom’s basement while my sister(-in-law) deals with kids who are progressively being exposed to less and less discipline and are now starting to even treat my mother poorly (and, oh yeah, has seen her life shoved up onto the rocks by a cool and unfeeling jerk). I know that they are still young, but I am growing increasingly concerned about my niece and nephew.
When my brother got divorced, he and my sister(-in-law) sold their beautiful new home (a wedding present itself), and my brother got half of the money. He recently purchased a new home in Oak Forest (Al, inform the folks that the neighborhood just went down a notch). This was a good and necessary step since mo is still trying to sell the house. What upset e was that y mother gave him a sizable loan to complete the transaction given that my brother’s employment status is shaky.
What further upset me was that in purchasing the house:
1. He bought a big enough house so that his kids and her kids would have separate bedrooms (yes, she is divorced). My mother advised my brother to be sure to not put the house in both of their names. My brother didn’t do that, so now his girlfriend has her name on the deed to the house with him.
2. I was greatly concerned about “what if the two of them get married?” My mother assured me that wasn’t going to happen.
My brother called this evening. They are going to the court house to get married in two weeks. “My next ex-wife” (his words, not mine).
Our phone conversation was civil, but brief, and he probably sensed a distinct lack of emotion on my part. Predictably, my mom called a few minutes later and I was able to express myself a bit. Not surprising, my brother was home, and for a moment of family peace I can only hope he wasn’t listening in to the conversation.
The good news is that due to a lack of funds, there will be no ceremony or reception, just a small party that I will likely be threatened into attending at some undisclosed date in the future.
My family has seen its share of divorce (my mom and dad were both previously divorced. My maternal grandfather lived with us for 2 years after he divorced my grandmother. My one cousin has a number of kids with I don’t recall how many women (but is getting married again next week). Three other cousins have been through this, and we have seen the turmoil it wrecks on the kids. I understand that some people get married and later find out that maybe it wasn’t for the right reason or they changed in ways they hadn’t anticipated or something like that. It is sad, but that I can chalk up to the unpredictability of human nature. Cheating on your wife for five years before you get married, and carrying that on through the birth of your second kid is not that!
I knew my mom was going to be wrong about this. I F!@#$%^G KNEW IT! Now I am going to have to deal with a very prickly situation that involves not wanting to be around my brother and I guess my sister in law. Do I need to develop a relationship with her kids? I don’t want to be rude to them, but why get close when my belief that this relationship working out is not really good.
This is going to make for some stressful coming weeks.